A nation of Married With Children fans is in mourning today upon learning that the breasts that helped launch the Fox Network are no longer attached to their owner, Christina Applegate. Applegate, who starred in the long-running Fox sitcom, was the closest thing to free porn in the days before the Internet, and pioneered the method for launching small television networks by turning cleavage into ratings, which was later successfully copied by other Hollywood hopefuls, such as The WB's Nikki Cox.
Aug 28, 2008 - Jokes
A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and after looking around for a while selects a title that sounds very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen. She got mad and called the video store to complain.
Blonde: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static."
Store Clerk: "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"
Blonde: "It's called, Head Cleaner."
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen. She got mad and called the video store to complain.
Blonde: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static."
Store Clerk: "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"
Blonde: "It's called, Head Cleaner."
These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years. The first guy asks the second guy "how have things been going?"
The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy "I w..a..s a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d.
The first guy says in amazement "Hey! You don't stutter any more."
The answer comes "y..e..s I w..e..n..t t..o a d..o..c..t..o..r a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k s..l..o..w..l..y I w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r."
The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was "almost married."
"W..e..l..l m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I w..e..r..e s...i...t..t..i..n..g.. o..n h..e..r p..o...r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g w..a..s s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k a..n..d I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t w..h..e..n w..e a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d s..h..e c..a..n d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e a..n..d s..h..e t..h..r..e..w t..h..e r..i..n..g i..n m..y f..a..c..e."
"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the first friend.
"W..e..l..l I s..p..e..a..k s..o s..l..o..w..l..y, t..h..a..t b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e l..o..o..k..e..d.. a..t t..h..e d..o..g. h..e w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..l..l..s"
The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy "I w..a..s a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d.
The first guy says in amazement "Hey! You don't stutter any more."
The answer comes "y..e..s I w..e..n..t t..o a d..o..c..t..o..r a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k s..l..o..w..l..y I w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r."
The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was "almost married."
"W..e..l..l m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I w..e..r..e s...i...t..t..i..n..g.. o..n h..e..r p..o...r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g w..a..s s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k a..n..d I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t w..h..e..n w..e a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d s..h..e c..a..n d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e a..n..d s..h..e t..h..r..e..w t..h..e r..i..n..g i..n m..y f..a..c..e."
"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the first friend.
"W..e..l..l I s..p..e..a..k s..o s..l..o..w..l..y, t..h..a..t b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e l..o..o..k..e..d.. a..t t..h..e d..o..g. h..e w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..l..l..s"
